STATEMENT OF INTENT

Well it's only been about two years since I last really blogged as some of you have kindly reminded me (I hesitate to use the word "nag" here! LOL). In the great scheme of things a mere "blip" on the radar!! I have bras in the drawer older than that! Still the reminders did make me think about why I paused in my ramblings.

I started to blog to give a small window to those of you far away, into my world down at this side of the planet. Of course I realised before even visiting some of you that our worlds are very much the same ... and very, very different. The big things really are universal - people everywhere are good & kind, flakey & crazy, bitchy & pissy, generous, spiritual, silly & fun and to quote Roger McGough " and a host of other golden etceteras". The little things of course will always remain as the things that denote our differences ... "Potato, po-tah-to, tomato, to-mah-to" blah, blah ...

Good intention and often attained. At least for the most part. Then I found myself attracted, in a perverse kind of way, into a blog world of sniping and bitching, innuendo, and the latest purchase to "show off". Now don't get me wrong. Those of you who know me well know that I'm not in the least big averse to a good "verbal kicking" when the mood takes me. I'm no soft & fluffy Aunty BundleJoy Cosy Sweet (How Tom Beat Captain Najork and His Hired Sportsmen) that endears herself to small children. I love "Things" - I would sleep with my MacBook Pro & IPhone if only they would make them with fluffy soft coverings. But! (And yes, Sister Michelle, I remember you shouldn't ever start a sentence with "But" or "And" ) But! I found myself leaning towards the dark side and that's not a place I particularly wanted to live. So I stopped blogging.

Now however, I have been welcomed into your lives, literally, with no hesitation on your part. I have lived in your homes, met those who are near & dear to you, and partaken in your lives "warts & all". It would be churlish now to shut you out of my life. Mean spirited even. What's more I want to show you this part of the world (in the hope you will actually come here and experience the joy I did in your world!) and again, warts and all. We are friends and friendship involves all those nooks & crannies that need to be there although we are sometimes shy to show them.

So the Madcow lives again! This time though, with a Statement of Intent.

This blog will not deal in (negative) innuendo. If I have something to say to you or a problem with you, I will talk, write or email you directly. I will not make little "in jokes" or bitchy snips aimed at you under the cover of innuendo and publish them publicly here or in the likes of Facebook etc. If you are looking for cowardly and passive agressive bitching about someone you don't like ... go to some other blog.

I will try to be sensitive to the world you are living in right now and the life you are living. I acknowledge that we don't all have the luxury of choice as to if we work. We sometimes have to work at jobs we don't enjoy because that's what pays the bills and keeps our family together. Sometimes we can't just do those "fun" things - we have other responsibilities. Sometimes life is just not a page from a glossy magazine. It's hard. Shitty even. We love our families but would we pick them as friends always? I think not ... sometimes. For those of you who get up every morning and just keep on going ... you have my total respect.

In the past two years there are relationships that I have chosen to end. Some have just reached their "use by" date. Some because of difference of opinion, values, whatever. My choice. I will not keep bringing those relationships "back to the table". Time to, as a wise woman once said to me, "build a bridge and get over it." I made a decision somewhere along the line and I need to take responsibility for it and live with it. You don't need to know about it.

What I do want to do is to pull the blinds on that window to the Small World of the Madcow. Come visit and enjoy. Perhaps we could have some fun? Whatever, welcome back to my world.

To leave you for now I am re-posting a blog post from 2005. Some things just don't change do they!

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 21, 2005

Musings over the chardonnay

Given all the furore over at CKMB I've spent many hours thinking about the nature of bullying etc. Every time there has been one of these incidents (and lately it seems to be on a weekly basis) there is a whole trail of comments of the "I say what I think and if people don't like it, well tough" ilk.
For some reason that kind of statement just rankles with me and I can't put my finger on exactly what it is. I seem to remember conversations with psychologist friends on this very subject but I suspect it may have been over copious amounts of wine and now my memory lets me down when I try to recall the conclusions we came to! LOL Still I'm sure we enjoyed the wine!
I did recall though some of the courses all us "70's Chicks" did on Assertiveness Training and did some searching. The text on the difference between Assertive and Agressive behaviour struck a chord.
Here are some highlights that I got from of all places www.arthritis.ca

Assertive Behaviour:
Characteristics - Choose for self. Appropriately honest. Direct, self-respecting, self-expressing, straight-forward. Convert win-lose to win-win.
Your Own Feelings on the Exchange - Confident, self-respecting, goal-oriented, valued. Later: Accomplished.
Others' Feelings in the Exchange - Valued, respected.
Others' View of You in the Exchange - Respect, trust. Know where you stand.
Outcome - Outcome determined by above-board negotiation. Your and others' rights respected.
Underlying Belief System - I have a responsibility to protect my own rights: I respect others but not necessarily their behaviour.

Aggressive Behaviour:
Characteristics - Choose for others. Inappropriately honest (tactless). Direct, self- enhancing. Self-expressive, derogatory. Win-lose situation that you win.
Your Own Feelings on the Exchange - Righteous, superior,deprecatory, controlling. Later: possibly guilt.
Others' Feelings in the Exchange - Humiliated, defensive, resentful, hurt.
Others' View of You in the Exchange - Vengeful, angry, distrustful, fearful.
Outcome - You achieve your goal at others' expense. Your rights upheld; others' are violated.
Underlying Belief System - I have to put others down to protect myself.

Interesting isn't it! I could immediately visualise several of the trolls right down to the "guilt" later (how many times have we had to read how "god" told them they had been hasty and should apologise?).

Anyway, time to find where I hid the chardy and pour another glass. I still have a lot more thinking to do on the question of "do I go or do I stay". For now though love & hugs to all.