Food

Food is very difficult. At least, food that both "he who shall not be named" and I can agree on.

He likes meat. Lots of meat. And things cooked in lots of oil or fat. Things that come in boxes are a hit. And apple crumble. Me, I like anything that someone else cooks. Except of course my mothers dreaded Liver & Bacon Casserole which she still thinks is my favourite dish. She also insists that one of the Madcow Brothers likes tomatoes. Personally I believe its just some sort of passive-aggressive acting out on her part. Like "I'll make them suffer for all those stretch marks somehow!" Whatever, I think he comes out of this slightly better than I do. Think about it - liver drowned in a sea of sludgy gravy compared to an insy-winsy tomato. I think she just dislikes him a little bit. Me she really resents!

The other tiny difficulty is the complete lack of culinary skill on my part, and HWSNBN's apparent lack of enthusiasm for any activity that does not include cars, the girlfriend or alcohol (not necessarily in that order).

If the Olympic committee introduced a "Staring Out" event we would win a Gold for New Zealand if our pre-dinner stand off is anything to go by. When finally we can ignore the stomach rumbling no longer there is a tentative "you hungry?" Now here's the trick ... never say yes. To say yes is to admit defeat and you may as well go put the apron on and start cooking. No, you have to sigh, pull a face and say "No, not really. I think I'll wait."

This stand off can last hours if you put no effort into your counter attack. If you really don't want to cook you have to play dirty. Put the Food Channel on. Chances are Jamie Oliver is making something marginally interesting. Mention in passing how you did all the laundry the day before and the clean clothes are folded waiting. Gently inquire as to when you can expect to get this weeks board money. And don't forget your trump card if they say they have already made dinner this week ... "But I MADE you!"

Before you know it there will be a great stomping off to the kitchen & rattling of pans.

Still, it must be time for me to venture near the big white hot thing in the kitchen for my monthly experiment. My mother gave me this recipe to try. It can't be that hard can it?

Potato & Bacon Bake
4 eggs
350 ml milk
6 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1 teaspoon salt
4 rashers rindless bacon, finely diced
3 tablespoons chopped chives
1 tablespoon olive oil
2kg washed white potatoes, peeled and sliced very thinly
1 cup grated tasty cheese

Preheat the oven to 190C.
Mix the eggs, milk, garlic, salt, bacon & chives. Reserve
Using 1 tablespoon of oil, oil a 20cm square ovenproof dish.
Layer one third of potatoes evenly into the dish and pour over one third of the egg mixture, making sure bacon and chives are evenly distributed.
Repeat with the remaining two-thirds of the potatoes and egg mixture.
Sprinkle the cheese evenly on top.
Cover loosely with foil and place in the oven for 45 minutes.
Uncover and bake a further 15 minutes until the potatoes are tender and everything is blubbling and golden.
Remove from the oven and serve as a side with roast chicken or steak or as a meal in intself with salad.

I'll let you know. At least its not liver.