Given all the furore over at CKMB I've spent many hours thinking about the nature of bullying etc. Every time there has been one of these incidents (and lately it seems to be on a weekly basis) there is a whole trail of comments of the "I say what I think and if people don't like it, well tough" ilk.
For some reason that kind of statement just rankles with me and I can't put my finger on exactly what it is. I seem to remember conversations with psychologist friends on this very subject but I suspect it may have been over copious amounts of wine and now my memory lets me down when I try to recall the conclusions we came to! LOL Still I'm sure we enjoyed the wine!
I did recall though some of the courses all us "70's Chicks" did on Assertiveness Training and did some searching. The text on the difference between Assertive and Agressive behaviour struck a chord.
Here are some highlights that I got from of all places www.arthritis.caAssertive Behaviour:Characteristics -
Choose for self. Appropriately honest. Direct, self-respecting, self-expressing, straight-forward. Convert win-lose to win-win.Your Own Feelings on the Exchange -
Confident, self-respecting, goal-oriented, valued. Later: Accomplished.Others' Feelings in the Exchange -
Valued, respected.Others' View of You in the Exchange -
Respect, trust. Know where you stand.Outcome -
Outcome determined by above-board negotiation. Your and others' rights respected.Underlying Belief System -
I have a responsibility to protect my own rights: I respect others but not necessarily their behaviour.Aggressive Behaviour:Characteristics -
Choose for others. Inappropriately honest (tactless). Direct, self- enhancing. Self-expressive, derogatory. Win-lose situation that you win.Your Own Feelings on the Exchange -
Righteous, superior,deprecatory, controlling. Later: possibly guilt.Others' Feelings in the Exchange -
Humiliated, defensive, resentful, hurt.Others' View of You in the Exchange -
Vengeful, angry, distrustful, fearful.Outcome -
You achieve your goal at others' expense. Your rights upheld; others' are violated.Underlying Belief System -
I have to put others down to protect myself.
Interesting isn't it! I could immediately visualise several of the trolls right down to the "guilt" later (how many times have we had to read how "god" told them they had been hasty and should apologise?).
Anyway, time to find where I hid the chardy and pour another glass. I still have a lot more thinking to do on the question of "do I go or do I stay". For now though love & hugs to all.